... itsallinthelyrics...everythingiwantedtosay....

....Episod 185..... - Samudera -

Exam is just around e corner~ ... a never ending journey i guess... haiz.... soo~ wishing myself all the best....

* yes i know this is the path that i ve thread ... and i am walking through it....

Jika tak ku temu kekuatan .... ku ratib semangat kebangkitan~ lautan bergelora...tidak gentar ku rempuhi .... ( mubalaghah k :p , nak masuk laut je pun ntah berani ntah idak...hiihiihii )

- Ya Ala baitin Nabiy -

Again , it reminds me of abah~...i miss the manaqibs ~ cuma lagi best kalau takde tepuk2 tgn n music kot ... sket2 ok la kan ... tp cm tk jee heee.... but looking at how much e ppl enjoyed reading the qasidah together.... definitely deserve a smile sey ~

.....ePiSoD 184..... - Harum sundal malam -

( credits to farah umainah and her dslr :D )

I bought this flower 2 days ago ... and guess what... bunga ros tu dah bloom into something nicer ... :D , i just love its presence in the room , it makes me want to smile all the time ... aniway , apart from ward , i bought myself zambaks @ harum sundal malam again . And again , my frens complained... heh , whteva laa i dun care..~


They said , zambak has this creepy smell ... well, it is not creepy at all actually . just because pontianak harum sundal malam favor the smell of zambak does not make it the official pontianak's flower k. blueks~~~ ..When i first told my fren this is harum sundal malam , i get the 'ewww' look from them. yeah yeah i know its funny its weird , but what to do , malay ppl gave it that name kan... tima je laa... Tapi kesian kan kat bunga ni ... people are scared of them becoz of other ppl who r maybe jealous of their smell ( :p )and make them the pontianaks flower .. ~ heh ,


Apa pun , that is not the hightlight of this post . Aku cuma nak bagitau yang aku akan terus aktif beli bunga.... sebaaab... i got prob with fiqh~ i seriously have prob with fiqh.. tk faham~... susah~.. nak nanges boleh??? atleast bunga boleh mententeramkan pale hotak ni utk saat2 yg aku perlukan.... memang rasa buang duit ah.... tp takpela... aku hepi~.... sooo ppl , there is more harum sundal malam to come... hakhakhak....

..... magical tunes....

I seriously~ seriously~ seriously~ am touched by the tunes .... n e voice.... n e.... hmm .... i just love it ....




I miss abah n his qasidahs...~ this one sounds just like the one he used to read...

......Episod 183..... - The Answer -

" Baik, apa kata kakak ajela, mana yang baik mak ikut aje,mak dgn aba cuma doakan mana yang terbaik pada kakak supaya kakak senang dengan pilihan kakak" Mesej dr mak ni macam kasi greenlight kan , tapi aku rasa macam mak lebih senang dengan jawapan pertama mak.... huhu :S , takpelah ... mudah2an Allah tenangkan hati mak n aku dgn keputusan ni~

Aku dah tinggalkan madrasah khutut babusya'riah yang bertahun aku teringin gile nak masuk , bila dah dapat ni aku buat keputusan untuk berhenti .. .. aku teruskan perjuangan khat aku kat markaz ta'lim khat hussin ... takpelah kan yang penting aku tk berhenti sepenuhnya ... masih ada wadah aku tahsin kan khat aku ni ....

Aku akan kembali ke pangkuan masyayikh tk lama lagi , setelah lama aku tinggalkan semata2 untuk khat .... alhamdulillah .... mudah2an ini yang terbaik untuk aku ....

Rasa sedih gileeeeeee tinggalkan babusya'riah masih ada k ...dua bulan aku bersusah payah turun naik wizarah , n macam2 benda aku tempuh utk masuk , hampir tiap2 hari balik kelas aku nanges .... 3 tahun aku tunggu ..... akhirnya .... aku buat satu keputusan yang mak aku rasa kesian kot kat aku sbb dah penat sgt urus benda2.... tp nak buat cmana... Cinta tak boleh dipaksa kan... heee

Dua markaz~ dua hadaf yang berbeza~ dua pengurusan yang berbeza~ dua cara yang berbeza~ dua fikrah yang berbeza~dua akhlak yang berbeza~ ... dua pendekatan yang berbeza... senang cite semuanya berbeza.. yang sama adalah keputusan aku untuk belajar khat ... tapi aku pilih markaz khat husin~ ... aku pilih sistem talaqqi daripada cert yng diiktiraf kerajaan mesir .. mesti ada yang nak kata bodoh kan keputusan ni ... tp aku rasa kalau quran la hadafnya ... dah tiba masanya aku berenti belajar untuk dapatkan syahadah ... cukuplah cert azhar ni ... kalau seni pun aku amek untuk cert ... malu aku kat khattat lama2...

Ada yang kata..." kan senang ... kalau ada cert senang dapat kerja " aku pun mula2 pikir benda yang sama... tapi tengat cakap abah " jangan pikir nak balik nanti kerja apa ... rezeki itu urusan Allah bukan urusan kita , sekarang ni belajar je " - waktu aku runsing sebab takot perlu tinggalkan masyayikh utk khat ni teringat kata Aidah ( kawan ngaji ngan syeikh ahmad ) " Awak .. fikirla betol2... balik nnti nak kasi kat masyarakat khat ke fiqh ... " jawapan aku waktu tu.. " Kasi kt tgk dulu eh wak keadaan die macamana " ... sekarang ni aku tak sabar nak pegi mejid azhar nak jumpa aida n kawan2 lain n nak peluk dorg kuat2... nak kata kat diorg aku akan teruskan ngaji ngan diorg... :') , i am hoping very badly that this will b the best for me...

p/s : i will be missing u madrasah khalil agha

.....Episod 182..... - emotionally disturbed ^_^" -

(gambar kat atas ni tkde kene mengena ngan post ni , saje letak sbb comel~ )


Aku rasa bingung sangat sekarang ni .... huru hara dah pale hotak ni .... rasa dah tkleh nak fikir lagi dah.... tapi aku tau aku ttp kene fikir jugak~... aku nak kene buat satu keputusan yang besar lam idop .... sesuatu yg akan menentukan masa depan aku ..... nak ke taknak ...... ? ... aku masih berfikir lagi nih .... entah bila nak habis fikir .... balik2 fikir benda yg sama... migraine~migraine~ ... Mak pun dah kasi jwpn mak .... tinggal aku je.... nak ikot ckp mak ke nak buat apa yang aku nak buat..... Ya rab~... ahhh lalala~~ ... yg penting.. aku dah start nak jd tk normal dah ni ....


istikharah....yes..istikharah .... skng ni aku rasa nak duuuk jeeek kat dlm mejid azhar lelama ..... belajar jek apa yg ada ..... :S pastu kuar mejid senyum sensorang... kunun2 dah ok tp hopefully aku dah ok la kan waktu tu ... pastu pi buat kerja cm biasa...~


tetiba rasa cm tknak balik sg , tp kalau tk balik aku tkt makin tk normal aku jadinya... kesimpulannya... part ni ikot ckp mak.... balik kot... ke kot tak balik..kee kot lambat sket balik...ahhh tk tau laa~ ...


sebulan lagi exam.... bittawfiq wal hidayah semua untuk exam nnti~ :D

" Seni itu bererti , dan setiap yang bererti itu berisi dan setiap yang berisi itu pasti ada ta'sir ~" - Allahumma yassir wa laa tu'assir~.. (hoping for e best to happen)

......and i live my life for HIM.....

....Episod 181..... - words of wisdom -

When im tired with the 'problematic people' around me i would remind myself with what i have said to one of my good friend :

" Psst ... kengkadang kan, orang susah nak paham kt , kt pun macam tu . 'Amar ma'ruf nahi mungkar ni tak semudah yang kt sangka . Anggap apa yang terjadi tu satu permulaan . Satu hari nanti bila kita jadi da'ie , tak semua mad'u kita akan terima kt . Apa kata sekarang ni ko uzlah dulu , fikirkan cara dan pendekatan terbaik . Yang penting , a good friend will not stop giving advices ok? :), Tapi make sure kena sesuai "

When i feel like giving up halfway , i would remind myself with the conversation i had with a senior thru emails ( with the subject, may your words be my strength ):

" Kak , this is fathiah , 1st year of lughah faculty of al azhar , kak ive been reading ur post even before i reached egypt . Kak i just get to know tht i have to repeat my first year and i feel so blessed with the news . I have always look up to you as my role model in this faculty . Your strength i believe is amazing . Many did not believe that i did not make it for my first year . Personally, i dont find this a problem at all . Allah just wanted to test my love for lughah and tests from Allah will just make me stronger i know . But kak , people's expectations and hopes can be very pressurising at times. To keep my cool is a challenge whenever im asked about my result. Kak , if you could share some words tht could make me feel more blessed , it would be one of the best gift from a senior to a junior . Thanks alot kak , jazakillah."

Her reply to my request .. is the answer to all the question marks tht i have in mind ~ :

"My dear sister , may Allah protect u , increaseu in knowledge, blessings n nuur , ameen . I made a visit to your blog last night after reading ur email ,believeme when i say that u do not need any words from me . u r urself a strong one , subhanallah . u knew the reason u chose the faculty . u knew the reason u seek knowledge .

Fathiah , pengalaman yg akak timba waktu belajar di mesir terlalu banyak . Yang pahit melebihi yang manis . Tapi masya Allah subhanallah , di hujung pengajian Allah beri akak sesuatu yang paling istimewa . Saat2 akhir akak di mesir merupakan saat yang penuh dengan tangisan demi tangisan . It was only during my final year in al-azhar that i saw the wisdom in every single thing Allah had put me into . everything. i began to strongly believe in Allah's miracles .He wants the best out of us . THE BEST .not the usual good things but the BEST. but before we reap any of the best , Allah has to put us through millions of tests and challenges . not any simple test but huge ones .

So u see my dear , it is not about people , never about them . It is about us and Allah . He wants us to make strong connections with HIM and not with people .He wants the Best out of us . That is the only reason we r going thru whatever we r facing now . He knows that u r having trouble with peoples expectations . He knows that u wrote to me and now i am writing back to u. He knows the step u will be taking next . He knows u will be able to overcome all of it .

So, march on!my sister . move ahead! When people start asking alot , u have to smileand continue smiling and remember Allah is watching u . Y do we have to care about what others say if whatever we r facing now is what andhow Allah wants it to be ?

Allah is getting rid of our ego through making us fail the exams . Allah is trying to make us enter the process ofbeing tawadhu' . the more we fail..the more we lose our ego .. betul tk? soo it is a good thing afterall! ..

So now smile... Allah is watching u n watching us .